I was sitting here alone at the house thinking about what I would do with 2.16 million dollars. First of all, I would probably go on a vacation with my family. I don’t think I would really care where it was as long as it was not in Utah and it was warm. Second, I would probably pay off my house. I would be nice to be debt free. Then, I would then drive my car off of the highest cliff I could find. I’d probably jump out moments before, film it, and put it up on YouTube. I really don’t care for my car and wish it would blow up. Next, there are a few websites that I would like to have built. I would probably choose the best idea out of the lot and outsource it. Next, I would probably make a movie. I’ve wanted to make a movie for some time now. I’m not even sure why, but I think it would be really fun. Then, I would probably rent 20 movies, buy one of each kind of candy bar at the local grocery store, and spend the next several days watching the movies and eating the candy bars. I would definitely have a piece of paper next to me so that I could write down my favorite candy bars and movies so that I would know what to watch and eat the next time I stumbled upon another 2.16 million dollars.

I like pizza. Good pizza especially. My mother liked good pizza. She used to say, “I’d rather have good pizza than bad pizza any old day of the week.” I went to a local pizza place with my team at work today. I am constantly amazed that even though we all work with computers we are so fascinated by technology that it dominates our leisure conversation (My personal philosophy has always been ‘too much leisure conversation with your coworkers makes you ugly’). Anyway, the entire time we ate pizza we talked about Google’s new Android platform and how it’s Linux based, and what the G-phone will be, if there will ever really be a G-phone, etc. My coworkers are surprisingly up-to-date on what’s going on in the tech world. I think this is probably because we all have rss feeds that come to our computers with little popup messages that say things like “Google announces new android platform”. “It’s for cellphones”. “It’s Linux based”. If you get one of these on average per minute you can really keep up on the world around you without interupting your work flow. I, unfortunatley, don’t even know what rss stands for, if anything, and I am always wary of anything that comes to my computer unbidden (the windows operating system is a prime example). So, while someday maybe I will be able to one-up my coworkers it tech conversation, today was not that day.

Andy and I watched “The Ring” on Halloween night. It’s probably one of the more creepier movies I can think of. I had however seen it before so this time wasn’t as scary. I am however looking to find a really good scary movie to watch. I can’t be anything rated R, so I realize that that limits my choices, but I’m sure their’s something good other there I haven’t seen yet. If anyone has any suggestions, I would like to hear them.

Here’s a nice clip of “The Ring” for ya:

I have had a hard time of late with web businesses whose traffic rankings are lower than that of morrise.com. As everyone affiliated with morrise.com is painfully aware, we are not rich, not famous, and not popular. That is why I was disturbed recently when I learned that a member of my extended family applied for a job at a web company called provo.biz. I live in the city of Provo, and let me tell you, we don’t get a lot of publicity. I am sure that as provo.biz’s whole operation centers on our fair city that we receive the bulk of their advertising. But I am sure that had this member of my family not applied for a job there I never would have heard of provo.biz. Upon finding out that such a website not only exists, but also seemed like a desirable place to seek employment, I immediately looked them up on alexa.com. Thankfully they do have a ranking. Unfortunately, it is slightly lower than that of morrise.com. Because of this, I am writing a blog post about this little know website, which is actually fairly decent, in hopes that some of our 11 readers may go there and bask in its glory. They definitely need all the help they can get.

I have been following the not so slow decline of the US dollar lately. I am mostly doing this because we talk about it daily in all of my classes. Not long ago I dabbled in foreign currency exchange also known as forex. I mostly wanted to see how it worked, and I knew I could set up an account with “play” money in it. It turns out that over the weeks that I used the account I made about $9,000. I think people are always better at this kind of thing when they don’t have skin in the game. Anyway, as the weeks go by I have thought more and more that I really need to start up again and actually buy dollars, so that when the war in Iraq stops, or consumers change their spending habits, or when we hit record numbers for exports, or whatever turns the economy around (Mitt Romney??), I will make a lot of money. I figure this would be a fairly safe investment, since seven countries are already looking to ditch the dollar as their storage currency for assets, and if things get much worse, we may end up in depression conditions anyway. So, either things would be great, or just plain terrible for everyone. So, let’s pool our money and get in on this thing. A couple hundred a piece couldn’t hurt, right?

I got an email from our web host today that I thought was funny:

Subject: [midPhase] ZERO Balance Notification

Dear Benjamin Morrise (XXXXX) –

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Billing Department - Invoice Notices with Zero Balances
ATTN: Benjamin Morrise
Client ID: XXXXX

Guess they were just trying to make me feel good.

As technology continues to evolve, I find myself being greedy and wanting technology that doesn’t exist. Here is what I would have:

First, I would have an extremely fast central computer system that was running in my home. It would be the central hub of my system. It would have the ability to run all your standard desktop applications as well as all multimedia applications. Connected to it would be a HD projector for visual display and a 7.1 surround sound system for audio. Hence, it would also double as my personal theater. Along with this central computer, I would require a service that would let me download HD audio and video content at extremely high speeds so that playback was instantaneous. This content would have to include any and all major films, music albums, etc.

Second, I would have a handheld device. It would have all the current technologies, phone, media player, GPS and soforth. This device would have a large screen with touch controls and would directly interface with my central system wirelessly. The device would be able to stream the audio and video from the main system at extremely high speeds so that I would have complete access to any of my content at anytime. Furthermore, this device would automatically detect whether I was at home, work, or in the car and be able to wirelessly interface with various speaker systems that I have set up in those areas.

Almost all this technology currently exists, it just hasn’t been put together in this fashion. This is what I would like and hope that it becomes available to me some day.

I’ve been following “The Next Great American Band” for three weeks now, and have met nothing but disappointment.  Here are some of the lowlights from the misery that was last night’s show:

 1) A country band was by far the best (”Sixwire,” the most professional sounding band of the bunch).

2) “Dot Dot Dot” made it through to last night’s round, looking like they’d just gone to Hairproducts R’ Us and bought everything they had.

3) “Rocket” made it through to last night’s round, and made Elton John’s “Rocket Man” sound like “Michael Jackson breathes helium and sings in a second grade musical production of Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh.”

4) “Tres Bien” (possibly the dumbest band name I’ve ever heard) made it through and performed one of the most egregious acts of plagiarism ever before seen on television (unless you’ve looked ’round the back of the set).

5) “Whiny and the Pretty Boys” (known on the show as “The Hatch”) were voted off, after which Whiny himself made a pathetic comment about being cheated out of their place on the show by 300 people in Nebraska (I think it was a feeble attempt at insulting “The Clark Brothers” and “Cliff Wagner and the Old No. 7″ for their musical styles).

6) “The Likes of You,” my favorite band on the show (and I think the most talented) were voted off.  They were most of the reason I was watching the show.

7) “The Muggs,” one of my favorite bands on the show so far, decided that playing music was overrated and instead decided to do their best impression of a holstein giving birth to sextuplets (Dicko characterized their sound as “tuneless rubbish,” and I completely agree).

“The Gothic Killer Clown of Rock and Roll” made an appearance but was not invited to play his anthem (one of the highlights of the show so far).

9) “Franklin Bridge” didn’t do anything to fix their horrendous guitar tone this week.

10) Last, but not least, THE LIGHT OF DOOM MADE IT THROUGH!?!? NOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

That pretty much sums up my feelings about last night’s show.  Aren’t there more good bands in America than THIS?!?!  The show has been almost a complete failure so far.  Maybe next year they will get more interest, and more talent will show up at try-outs.  We can always hope.

Like many of you, I was quite gullible until last week. I honestly hope that one good thing that has come from the internet is that people all over the world will be less likely to fall for scams. Now, I’m as human as the next man. A few years ago if you would have sent me an email saying something like, “Bill Gates is sharing his fortune! This email is being tracked by the powerful Microsoft super computer “big windows” and every time you forward it, Bill Gates will send you $238.54. If anyone has the money to cover this, it’s Bill Gates!!!” I probably would have looked at the email and thought who’s Bill Gates? In all honesty I probably would have thought that I could finally make the kind of money I deserve. Now, I firmly believe in the old saying, If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is (note: Will, this excludes your relationship with Angie, she actually does like you). Lets look at the Bill Gates giving money away example. If Bill Gates was giving money to people to forward an email do you really think he would have to pay over $200 a shot to get it done. If the offer was something like $.05 it might be believable. And seconably, Bill Gates is extremely rich, and I can guarantee you he didn’t get that way by giving away a lot of money for relatively easy tasks. I realistically receive 10 emails a day whose sole intent and purpose is to rip me off. By now I would like to think that I am immune to internet scams. This is doubtful, since I know that even as we speak, powerful criminal minds are coming up with new convincing scams. My defense against this collective mind of evil is simply to treat every email I receive as a scam until proven otherwise. While in some cases this is helpful, the net result is that I send every email regarding online auctions back to spoof@ebay.com with notes like “I got this email and I think it might be a scam because ‘an item you are watching is ending soon’ is very non-specific.” Or “Dear ebay, I received this notice but I don’t believe overstock.com sale prices could really be different from their regular prices.” So, in conclusion, it doesn’t matter if you husband works abroad or you have a credit score of 750, the king of Nigeria will never pay you $20,000,000 just to use your bank account to transfer funds. For $20,000,000 he could get it done in over 2,000 better ways.